Sunny Smile
by Shadowed Sorceress
Summary: My life had never truly been mine to begin with. It was kill or be killed, and I knew nothing else aside from that. -An assassin from our world gets reincarnated in Naruto- ON HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

**I know- I'm a horrible person. I haven't updated Lighting Embers in ages and I'm already writing another fic. It just sort of happened.**

 **I won't ask for forgiveness, though I do apologize.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto T^T**

 **Prologue**

 _It was spring, the flowers were blooming and the sun bathed the world in warmth._

I took a deep breath, taking in the fragrance of the flowers around me as I lay there, bleeding out in a meadow where no one could find me. I knew no one would ever think to find me here, and strangely, that thought gave me the peace I sought for so long in my life. Once, a long time ago, I graved attention and the acknowledgement of the people around me. Well, not anymore. It only took a bullet to the chest for me to realise that I never enjoyed the presence of other people, who never saw me for who I truly was- as they only saw the person they wanted me to be. And I, the fool that I was, played right in their hands.

I was more than a prodigy, a step above even the most talented genius. That's what they told me.

They conditioned me, ruled me, owned me.

Go fulfil your tasks, do as you are told and never question our rules.

Even now I remember the rules that were told to me when I was five.

Don't cry.

Don't complain.

Don't talk to strangers.

Smile.

And I followed the rules to a T, even when I felt like dying inside, even when I ripped into a pregnant woman with my knives, I held that smile on my face. The smile was what gave me my nickname in the underworld. Death's Sun. Because my smile was blinding, like the sun, and also your guaranteed death once you have seen it. It was funny, really. It even sounded like Death's Son sometimes. As long as it struck fear in my enemies hearts, it did not matter to me. I used any tool at my disposal and if even a name could be useful, I wasn't going to waste it.

I am a professional, I am the best and I never get caught.

Until today, that is.

It was supposed to be one of those easier assassinations. A civilian that held a grudge against the man that captured his wife's heart. It was supposed to be an easy kill to add to my name. A simple poison injected straight to his heart and then a symbol would be drawn on the guy's right eyelid, which, is quite hard to do when someone has his eyes opened wide in horror. An easy, painless kill and a warning for everyone who saw my mark.

I'm pretty sure that they were tracking all my kills. Why not make it easier for them? No one dares to draw a smiley-face nowadays. I had no patent on it, but I didn't need one. Drawing the smiley-face meant associating yourself with me, a killer, and no one in their right mind wanted that.

I stopped counting my kills somewhere in the fifties and that was two years ago, I think. The faces began to blur when my kill-count reached seven, when reality settled in and when panic was not an option. Panic goes together with mistakes, and mistakes are the last thing you need when your life is on the line. So I chose to forget all the faces the world would never see again. I worked hard and survived, but somewhere along the way, I think I might have left my humanity too.

It's not that important anyway. There were many awful people that were killed by me, people who this world would not miss. So what, if that's what I tell myself every night? It was something to lighten my burden and focus my mind. I did not tolerate any mistakes, not from my partners and especially not from myself.

But I digress, I was talking about how I got into this meadow.

After leaving the cooling, marked body I was ambushed by both the police and several mercenaries, some with whom I had worked with before. I recognised one of them as the disguised form of my teacher. His eyes caught mine, and I saw fear in those azure blue pools. Eiji was one of my kinder instructors and I actually liked him. To see him there, with countless people who wanted nothing but my dead body was... strange.

The grass rustled as I lifted my aching arm to brush my fingers over my heart, right next to the bullet wound.

I felt confused when there had been no wound to where I could trace the pain back to.

Back then, I hadn't understood that there were other pains that could be more devastating than any physical injury. More painful than any wound an enemy could inflict on me.

It was the first time I had felt betrayal.

It felt vaguely like that first time I got stabbed in the gut.

I almost couldn't believe it, I should not even care for one of my many teachers that 'taught' me my entire life. The way they taught me could be better described as torture than any real teaching. Even kind Eiji was no exception. Father would tell me that it was fine, that it would raise my pain tolerance. And of course I would never question daddy dearest.

I snorted. A wet, hacking cough escaped my lips as my unexpected movement caused a shift somewhere in my body, my skin painted red from the numerous bullets stuck in my arms and chest and everywhere.

It hurt so much that I wanted to laugh, because I knew it would have hurt so much more if I did not have my father's training, and to feel even the slightest amount of gratitude towards that monster disgusted me. I'd rather slit my own throat and fucking die. Well, I sighed, I was already well on my way to the latter.

After a while I calmed down enough to just relax in my last moments on earth. Surrounded by flowers and nature and the knowledge that there would be no one watching me, I felt more at peace in my final moments than I had in my whole life.

 _It was spring, the flowers were blooming and the sun bathed the world in warmth._

The air had something reassuring about it. The animals would not be scavenging desperately for food and the plants were as healthy as they would ever be.

I closed my eyes and let the soft breeze carry my iron-tainted scent away until all I could smell were the poppies that were scattered in the meadow, the soft grass beneath me tickled my cheeks and I lost myself in it all.

For as long as I can remember, there had always been this heaviness in my heart.

For as long as I can remember, I had been trained to kill.

And no matter how far back I search, I am pretty sure this is the first time I ever genuinely smiled.

* * *

 **Should I continue this?**


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up in a different body in a world not my own.

To say that I panicked was quite an understatement. I cried when I realised that I woke up in an infant body.

I haven't cried in _years_.

But as time went on, I adapted like I always did. The world I lived in shared the same ideals of my father. Though I heard that Konoha- my village now- was quite mild compared to others. Some would say that I was lucky, others would say that I had the worst luck of all.

It kind of depended on how you looked at things. I think I might have been given a second chance here, in this world.

Though if it's a good thing or not has yet to be decided.

It was a world with a cycle of hate worse than those in my own world after all. This land was wrought with war not too long ago, and a new one is looming closer still.

As I pondered on my fate in this world, the door on the left side of my wooden crib opened and my mother walked through.

She smiled at me. Her smile was as blinding as the sun and it took my breath away. The love in her eyes was genuine and warm. I felt underserving of the kindness that this strange woman had shown me these past few weeks.

She sang to me whenever past memories threatened to take over my mind in the form of nightmares and hugged me when I shivered not from the cold, but from the fear of the unknown- and this whole world was very much the unknown. I knew nothing of the workings in this world and it had scared me. It has been a long time since I last felt this vulnerable.

But this woman gave me the comfort I did not know I had needed before.

How much would have changed if I had a mother in my other life?

Surely, it would not have mattered much?

* * *

Apparently, it matters very much.

In these years I have learned more about human emotions than I had those twenty pitiful years of my past life. It was enlightening.

People can feel joy in such simple things as eating good food and find triumph in petty things like having longer hair than the other.

Is this what it is like to be a child?

I would be the first one to admit that I was a bit of a momma's boy. In these last three years I had followed my mother like a little duckling, waddling after her as fast as my weak legs would allow me to. My excuse is that I am beginning my training young and am disguising it as following my parent like any other child. Though why I felt like I needed an excuse was beyond me at the moment.

Women I did not recognise would pinch my cheeks and call me adorable now and then and I let them. It felt weird- the attention I received. I had never been coddled like this, though I wasn't as disgusted as I thought I would've been.

It felt kind of nice to be fussed over like this.

I lost my balance and scraped my knee the other day. I had shrugged it off and stood back up, it did not hurt that much. It wasn't worth stressing over. My mother seemed to think otherwise as she picked me up and walked back into the house to tend to my 'injury'. It was laughable, really, how such a notorious assassin such as I liked to be fussed over.

Over the years I had learned of a profession that had appealed to me. A shinobi- basically a glorified assassin.

I wouldn't have to hide myself in fear of being recognised and send to jail. No- I would be considered successful and a hero if I spun the tales well enough and spread enough good rumours about myself.

Yes, I would become a target for bounty hunters, but when have I not been hunted for what I did- for who I was?

This time, I would have a whole village backing me up.

This time, something like killing people was legal.

This time, I am not the only one well versed in the art of assassination.

Though I am unsure if it is a good thing.

* * *

Miyako knew that her son was strange, yet it did not bother her as much as it probably should have. She was proud of her little boy. He was a genius even amongst other geniuses, she was sure of it.

He had an air of wisdom and awareness around him that most children did not possess, it was subtle and something she only noticed recently. His knowledge of things that had never been explained to him should have frightened her, yet it did not.

Oh she was wary in the beginning, afraid of what he might become. But she was his mother and she knew him better than anyone else, she probably knew him better than he did himself.

She never feared him, because her son was one of the most gentle souls she knew. It was clear in the way he always thought of other beings before himself, how he always let her friends fuss over him even though she knew all he wanted to do was get away from the cheek-pinching aunties. How he would pet their neighbours dogs every day and give them a little treat. How he offered his dango to a crying girl in need of comfort.

He was polite and sweet and everything she wanted in a child. That is why she found his sudden fascination with ninjas so jarring.

The path of the shinobi was ill-suited for him.

And it pained her to see him so interested in a job that would no doubt make him miserable.

Then, she thought about yesterday. She thought about how he had scraped his knee and stood up after his harsh fall like nothing had happened, as if the sting of his wound was nothing but an annoyance that was easily ignored. Other kids would be crying their eyes out if they hurt themselves, yet he did not even blink.

Almost like a movie, different scenarios were played in her mind.

That one time when her son had asked about shinobi and weapons and war. He seemed in his element back then as he asked her specific questions like what their tactics were and what weapons were the most efficient ones.

Or that one time when he had his mouth set in a grim line as he heard about the death of an acquaintance. How understanding he had been and how easily he accepted that aunt Asaka would not be coming over anymore.

It was then that Miyako began to question herself, did she really know her son like she thought she did?

* * *

 **It is very short- I apologize, I guess.**

 **But hey, it's an update lol**


	3. Chapter 3

**Um, an update? Yay? IM SORRY DONT HIT ME**

 **So, yeah. I haven't updated in a while and I have no excuses. To be honest I had this chapter for a while but I AM NOT HAPPY WITH THIS CHAPTER. So that's why I was reluctant to post it.**

 **...Now that I posted it anyway- the next chapter should be up within four days.**

* * *

 **Chapter three**

In the morning I would eat breakfast with mother. Sometimes, on cold, dark mornings when all one wants to do is sleep and stay in bed forever, she places a third plate on the table. She'd be tired, yawning and rubbing her eyes while she makes breakfast and moves as if she expected someone else to be there with her.

She'd stop in front of that plate and stare at it for a while, like she could see the person in the chair happily eating the food she made. She'd reach an arm out, as if she wanted to touch the illusion that was shown to her.

And whenever she snaps out of whatever it is that she saw, her mouth would be set in a grim line, quietly grieving for someone I didn't know.

Grief was something I could recognise anywhere.

Grief had been a good sign back in my own world, it meant I had done my job well. It meant that I had removed my target from the living planes and to either hell or heaven or maybe waiting for their very own reincarnation- I didn't really care either way.

But their family sure did. I was trained to look for grief in even the most stoic person on earth. To make sure that they hadn't replaced my target with a decoy. I'd make sure that the grief in their eyes was real, so that no one would ever escape my grasp. Like the sun, I was able to stretch my light everywhere on that world.

I shone brightly even in the darkest of places and everyone took note of my steady progress to the top. I was bold and flashy- the only reason I got my reputation, really- the actual masters could make anything look like an accident.

But no one used everything at their disposal like I did. I doubt anyone took the time to read emotions to make sure their target was dead.

It was kind of ironic. The ones that would expose everything would be the ones that didn't cry hard enough, or maybe too hard, to be believable. Their very own family and friends would be the death of my targets, the ones that would do the most to protect their precious lives…

Grief. It looked painful. Though the pain in their eyes rarely bothered me, if at all. I never experienced the emotion, never cared enough to do so.

In this world, my emotions have been all over the place. I'm not sure if it is because I am a child again or because of the… incident back in my world. It was both relieving and frightening to feel so much again. Relieving, because the chaos that were my emotions chased away the cold, numb persona of an assassin. And frightening, because I'm not quite sure how to proceed now. Ignorance, I learned, is a dangerous thing.

I realised long ago that my mask was beginning to become a part of me, but I never quite knew how to remove it. It was a comfort to me, something that I desperately needed back then. But I'm free now.

However... all I did until now was read in my spare time, trying to figure out where I am. I am a rather quiet child, even I have to admit it.

My mother hated the long silences between us and would always try to coax me out of my shell to talk about how I felt, no matter how awkward it got. It had become like a ritual of sorts.

Every evening after dinner, mother would sit next to me and talk about things. Things about the world, things that trouble her and just random thoughts that cross her mind. I liked listening to her calm and soothing voice. Though it was nights like these, where she tried to get me to talk, that I hated the most.

"Why don't you ever talk to me?" My mother asked softly, certain that I would understand what she meant. Though to be fair- I am four already.

And I did understand- better than anyone. I understood how lonely she felt, how much of a failure she saw herself as whenever I wouldn't talk more than a couple of words at a time, how pained she was about my silence when she knew that I could talk.

She may have raised me, taught me about feelings- but she didn't understand me.

She never did and probably never could.

How could I explain that I was not her real son?

How could I explain that it was safer for me to stay quiet, than speak and reveal possibly deadly information?

How could I explain to her that I was not her precious son, but a filthy assassin that had held weapons in his hands practically since birth?

Because I knew if I were to talk to her, I could slip up somewhere along the way. Then she would know and the life I have lived until now would be taken away from me. I didn't want that to happen. It's almost weird to say this, but I love my mother in this world very much. And maybe I'm delusional, but I think she might just care about me too.

I'm sure that if we'd part, that she would feel as miserable as I would.

How could I do that to the woman that raised me so lovingly, so carefully ever since the first time I took a breath in this world?

I could already imagine her face, full of that grief I see every day hidden behind masks of fake cheer and sunny smiles.

I could not do that to her.

So I stayed quiet, for it was better to see her disappointment than the grief that would mar her beautiful face.

I used to revel in the grief of the people around me, but that life was gone the moment I took that bullet to my chest. It was probably best to not think about it at all. So that when I do talk, my mouth wouldn't betray me if I get distracted by visions of the past. I am not proud of who I was- still am.

"Why won't you talk to me?"

I was shaken out of my thoughts that were slowly spiralling down into a dark, damning place when my mother repeated her question.

I raised my head and looked at the frown that marred her face. Her dark hair was tied up in a messy ponytail and her warm brown eyes told me how worried she really was about me. Sometimes I wonder how old mother was, because surely she could not be older than twenty?

I held out a storybook to her, one about some ninja that I cared very little for, but it would make her happy to read something for me, even though she knew that I could understand the sentences inside. And as always, the frown melted away and a soft smile took its place.

"Alright." She said, understanding my silent request as she took the book from my hands and picked me up. She placed me in her lap and held the book in front of us.

Then she began to read.

About a ninja that strived for peace.

About a ninja whose actions were so noble that I had to stop myself from scoffing at the words printed so boldly inside the yellowing pages.

"-and that's when Naruto heroically intercepted the poisonous kunai that would have hit the fair maiden..."

Naruto, that name sounded rather familiar... I yawned.

I wonder if the man that wrote this book saw ninjas and samurai as the same thing. If so, I wonder if he is still alive. Somehow I doubt he knew that wherever a shinobi goes, death will most likely follow- and it wouldn't be an honourable one.

I yawned again, the book was boring. I heard a chuckle behind me.

"Now, I think it's time for bed." My mother murmured and picked me up. I blearily watched the light brown wood and the many portraits and paintings displayed on them as we walked through the house. I yawned for the third time as we finally reached my room.

While it was annoying that I needed this much sleep, being a child had its perks. I thought as my mother tucked me in.

"Goodnight sweetie." My mother kissed my forehead. Then she walked out of my room and carefully closed the door behind her.

"G'night." I muttered softly, burrowing my nose into my soft blanket.

The footsteps outside my door stilled. I shifted in my bed and I heard the footsteps again after a couple of seconds.

I think she might have heard me.

* * *

Mother beamed at me as we walked to the playground.

"Now, be good to the other children, okay sweetheart?" Her hand squeezed mine. Her hand was warm.

"And don't worry, I'm sure you'll make lots and lots of friends!" Mother whispered to me, shielding her mouth with her hand like she was about to tell me a big secret.

"I was very nervous too, when I was your age. But I have lots of friends now!"

I wanted to raise my eyebrow, but quelled the urge and smiled back at her. I knew how her friends were and if I had to talk to giggling gossips every day, then no thank you.

"Okay." I told her instead. She looked more excited about this little trip than I was.

It was rather busy when we arrived. Kids were playing ninja and someone almost ran me over when I tried to step inside the playground.

"Now, have fun!" My mother shooed me off and told me to find her at the restaurant across the street if I needed her. She walked to where a group of her friend were gathered and they picked a table outside, probably to keep an eye out for me.

"Well," I plastered a fake smile on my face. "yay."

I walked to one of the many trees and plopped down on the ground. I watched the other children play and lamented the fact that I forgot to bring something to read.

The children played some version of tag called 'ninja'. It was weird, that little kids pretended to murder each other and torture 'intel' out of their 'enemies' by tickling the captured ones.

"How morbid." Not that I was any better. I had more blood on my hands than everyone in this whole playground together.

A kid tripped over air in front of me and fell on his face. I didn't facepalm, though I was really tempted to. Then the crying began. The kids around him panicked, a little crowd began to gather around the boy and my quiet little space on the playground was no longer quite as peaceful. And just a moment ago they were out to 'murder' you. I thought idly.

I heard a 'thump' behind me and I turned around, only to see a blonde kid that frantically waved his hands and making hushing noises.

"Shh! I'm not here." He whispered- note, yelled- while ducking behind one of the bushes.

I stared at the azure blue eyes and fought the urge to flinch. Those kind, expressive eyes that sparkled whenever I mastered a difficult skill and darkened whenever my father would dismiss me without even glancing up from his paperwork. Those eyes that belonged to a person who thought me kindness, who told me there was more in this world for me. I stared at the person in front of me right now, looked at the familiar blonde hair and blue eyes.

 _Eiji._ The betrayal still stung even after all these years. But the rare moments where Eiji would look at me like a person instead of a murderer was something I treasured.

 _''You know, kid, it's not too late for you to run away now.'' Eiji told me all of a sudden. He looked a bit pained, standing there next to the doorway._

 _''Eh?'' What was he trying to say?_

 _Eiji took the cue and elaborated. ''You can stop doing this business. You're just a kid.''_

 _''I can take care of myself just fine out there on the job.'' I told him, angry that he questioned my skills just because I'm five. Eiji just sighed and walked up to me. ''That's just it- you shouldn't have to be out there. There's so much more beyond this hell. If you leave now, you could see the bright colours of the world and see the many wonders for yourself. You could escape this darkness. There's still hope for a child like you.''_

 _''I'm not a kid!''_

 _''Of course you'd only hear that, you little brat.'' Eiji laughed and ruffled my short hair._

 _''Eeh?! I'm not little! I did hear what you said! Something… something about colours and the world, un!'' I grinned, triumphant because I did hear what he told me. I was good at the things I did and most of those things required excellent memory. I was awesome like that._

 _''Yes, yes I did say something very similar.'' Eiji sighed, exasperated and fighting down a smile._

 _He ruffled my hair again and I batted it away. ''Stop that!''_

 _''I wish you'd stay like this forever.'' Where did that come from? Don't be sad, Eiji._

 _''No way! I want to grow big!'' I raised my arms as high as I could. ''Like Eiji!'' I jumped, but was still unable to match his height. I grumbled about the unfairness of it all._

 _''Didn't you say that you weren't little? Why would you still have a reason to grow even taller than you already are?'' Eiji teased and flicked my nose. He leaned back against the wall behind him and looked at me in amusement as I opened and closed my mouth, not knowing what to say._

 _''That-that's mean! You tricked me!'' I ended up saying. I cringed, expecting my father's voice to scold me out of nowhere._

 _Telling me -_ You shouldn't have gotten tricked in the first place.

 _Eiji crouched in front of me, realising why I looked over my shoulder as if I expected some kind of attack. ''Hey kiddo, I know this will probably only be a hindrance to you in the future… but- promise me something, okay?'' Eiji held out his pinky._

 _''…what's the promise?'' I eyed his pinky distrustfully, not ready to be tricked by him again. Eiji just laughed and told me how quick I was to learn things._

 _''Just promise me that you won't forget how to be a person, okay?''_

 _''Hmm,'' I rubbed my chin as if I was thinking really hard about it. ''un!'' I curled my pinky around his._

 _Looking back, I probably should have thought more about it before agreeing so easily. Maybe then I wouldn't have felt the strange guilt every time I closed my mind to the outside world to finish what my father started._

I was a murderer, a cold-blooded assassin. I didn't really blame him for trying to get rid of me. After all, I got more dangerous as I got older. Forgetting the life lessons Eiji thought me. The guy tried so hard to prevent me from being a monster- I must say he failed rather spectacularly.

My rapid progress in the art of killing probably scared them. _I should be more cautious of showing too much skill this time around._ I thought to myself.

Still, I resented Eiji for giving in to the fear. I wouldn't have hurt him. _But would you really?_ A voice in my mind whispered. _What if your father ordered you? What then?_ I faltered. What would I do then?

But then the rustling of the bushes shook me out of my thoughts and I looked back at the kid that reminded me so much of Eiji. This time, I _really_ looked at him.

The eyes were different. I told myself and stared at the kid as he squirmed under my gaze. These held mischief and joy instead of pain and fear. His cheeks were chubby and his hands unmarred. This kid was as innocent as they got.

The joy and mischief, however, was quickly dimming as he noticed my prolonged stare. He shrunk back from my gaze.

I recognised him.

What was his name again... I swear I had heard it somewhere before.

"Ramen topping." I said suddenly.

"What." The boy stared at me like I was crazy. The sadness that slowly creeped inside his eyes were washed away by his confusion.

"You know- fishcake." I tried to explain.

"Are you making fun of me!?" His eye twitched as he yelled at me, pushing himself out of the bushed to stand in front of me. I felt, rather than saw the heated glares from the villagers as they noticed the blonde's loud presence.

"It was not my intention to ridicule you." I swear I knew his name, it was on the tip of my tongue. Then-

"Naruto." There it was.

I nodded to myself, now I knew why the boy seemed so familiar.

It explained quite a lot actually. Now those chakra theories and ninja etiquette books I read made sense. I stood up, turned on my heel and walked away. Mystery solved.

''To think that anime Eiji talked about all the time was actually relevant… I need to look into this.'' I muttered to myself. Thinking about how I was going to convince mother to bring me to the library tomorrow.

"Wha- wait!" Naruto yelled after me.

"You see that demon brat harassing..."

"...that's why you should stay away."

"Don't you ever draw his attention..."

"...demon brat."

"Awful child..."

"...should've died..."

I stopped walking. I don't remember the village's hate for Naruto.

Then again, I never watched the anime, Eiji did.

I regret not showing more interest in Naruto now as I seemed to have landed in the fictional world, but hindsight is always 20/20.

"Hey." I said as I saw how Naruto flinched away from the hateful glares. I pointedly nodded at the cluster of trees where no one would see us if we talked. I kind of pitied him. At least I had my animosity as a murderer, but what did he do to gain such intense hate?

He smiled. "You should smile more." I told him then. Because he really should. Not only because I remember him as a boisterous kid, from the few times Eiji insisted that I watch this episode with him, but because his smile was way better than the hurt he showed earlier.

Smiles were always better.

I just thought he should know.

"What did you do?" I asked him the moment we were out of sight. Naruto grinned sheepishly.

"I- um- I tripped that guy, y'know the one in front of you." Naruto rubbed his neck and smiled, his eyes showed how proud he was of his prank.

He must be good, I didn't even see how he did that.

But that was not what I wanted to know.

"No- the reason why the villagers hate you."

''Oh… I dunno.'' He shrugged. ''They have always been like…'' He waved his arm weakly at the villagers who were still glaring daggers at Naruto.

''Well-'' I started.

''Kazu! Oh my god- Kazu stay away from that demon!'' I was interrupted by my own mother who sprinted towards us. Her face was dangerously pale, like she saw a ghost. She must have seen us walking away because I doubted that she was able to see through these trees.

''Don't _ever_ play with a bad kid like that, okay?'' My mother fussed over me and took my hand. She began to pull me away from Naruto, who looked resigned and not in the least bit surprised that another kid got dragged away from him again.

I thought of everything I knew of the kid, both in the anime and from what I had seen today- parentless, hated by the villagers, no friends. He was all alone in a village that wanted nothing to do with him.

I don't know why I did it. His loneliness was different from mine and I have no idea what he's going through. It wouldn't even benefit me.

Yet it felt wrong to just walk away like this.

''Stop.'' I tugged at my mother's hand and managed to get free of her clutches when her grip slackened in her shock.

''What are you saying young man?'' My mother placed her hands on her hips, the pose she always struck whenever she thought that I did something wrong. Though I wasn't sure if she was shocked about the fact that I raised my voice in public, or the fact that I didn't want to flee from Naruto.

''Stop.'' I repeated. Her eyes widened. ''What… are you trying to say, dear.'' She asked me and bit her lip.

''Naruto…'' What did I want to say? I was being stupid, I am not a kid- mentally at least. This was too reckless. But I continued regardless of my doubts. ''Naruto…is a friend.''

There, I said it. I glanced at Naruto from the corner of my eye. His smile could have blinded me and the tears in his eyes couldn't be blamed on the particles of dust in the air, there was no wind.

''Kazu you don't know who he is, your mommy knows what's best for you.'' Mother said and reached for my arm again. I took a step back, closer to Naruto. Mother recoiled in horror.

''No… the demon's influence.'' She whispered.

''Hey!'' Naruto shouted. ''I didn't do nothing to Kazu-kun!''

''You…'' My mother growled. ''I won't forgive you!'' She raised her arm, ready to strike Naruto- ready to protect me from something that she clearly feared.

I grabbed Naruto and pulled him out of the way. ''Meet tomorrow at the market.'' I whispered in his ear and released him.

''Stop! Mothe- mom!'' I hugged her leg, letting Naruto run away while cursing my small body.

She stilled as she heard me. ''I get it, no going with Naruto. Please stop.'' Why was I even doing this for that brat?

''Kazu- don't worry me like that again. Ever.'' My mother hugged me.

''I'm sorry.'' _I'm going to disappoint you._

* * *

 **I kinda feel like I'm giving too much information about Kazu, like it's probably a little tiny bit hard to follow.**

 **Also- yay the character has a name! Finally! xD**


	4. Chapter 4

**I kept my promise, here is the chapter- within four days, aye.**

 **By the way, I _know_ that both my grammar and spelling haven't been too great... But hey, English is my third language...**

 **Yeah, I know- terrible excuse. I'll try to do better, even if no one has commented on it yet. I just know it will happen.**

 **So _yes,_ I know wife's is spelled as _wife's_ and not _wive's._ There's probably a lot more that I missed, but oh well. **

**Before you read any further- I just wanted to say _thank you_** _ **.**_

 **Thank you guys _so much._ **

**You were the reason I found myself updating this fic again.**

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

The walk back home was tense and for once in this short life I wanted to say something, anything to fill this uncomfortable silence.

''Mom? Can we… go to the library?'' I asked, a little uncertain after that ordeal with Naruto. My mother looked at me and sighed. ''Sure, we can walk past the library on our way home. How does that sound?'' She asked.

I just nodded and held her hand tighter. ''Can I get ninja books for my birthday too?'' I would turn five years old in a week. I needed to know all I could about this world now that I know that it was an anime that existed in my world. Maybe I could read up on shinobi before I actually joined the academy. I could match what little I knew back then to with what I have here, in Konoha.

''You're four, kazu-chan. Are you sure you don't want toys instead? How about rubber kunai, that's what most kids have. You're always reading inside, you should play with other kids a bit more.'' She sounded worried and happy at the same time. I looked down at my feet, the only reason that I initiated the talk today was for my own selfish reasons. It didn't feel as right as it did a moment ago, before I saw how happy my mom got when she heard those few words from me- even though it was just to ask for something I wanted.

''Would you like to go to another playground tomorrow?'' My mother asked, acting like that incident with Naruto never happened.

''I don't like the other kids.'' I should just go with that, because I don't think I could stand all those kids any longer-

''-Are they bullying you?'' I blinked. Bullying? Me?

Don't make me laugh.

''No.'' I'd like to think that I can at least protect myself from some toddlers.

''Oh…'' The silence stretched for a while, neither of us knowing what to say to break it.

''We're here.'' My mother said, relieved that she could say something to fill up the silence.

We stepped inside and were greeted by a woman behind the counter. ''Ah, Miyako! Good to see you again!'' The woman smiled.

''Good to see you too, Kyouko.'' My mother smiled. We walked past the lady and further to the back. There was a map of the civilian section of the library. Mother picked me up so I could see it properly.

''Can you read all the words?'' My mother grinned, already knowing what my answer was going to be.

''Yes.'' I answered and mother smiled proudly. She was the one who thought me after all.

''Let's go here.'' I pointed at the history section.

''Hmhmm.'' My mother agreed and walked to the history section, carrying me the whole way. I squirmed a bit, but didn't mind too much.

The library was rather bare, nothing but the occasional sign for civilians to go around. I don't think I'll find a lot of information about ninja here. The ninja sections weren't even in this building.

Still, I immediately picked a book from the big shelves and held it up to mother who sat on a chair next to the bookcase. ''This.'' I waved the book in front of her.

''You want me to read that for you?'' She asked.

I nodded. Yes, some of the characters in this book were still too hard for me. Even though it pained me to admit it.

''Now, let's see-'' Mother sat me on her lap and opened the book in front of the two of us. ''Konoha: A History…''

* * *

Miyako sighed as she watched her son read through the history books they brought back home from the library. His tiny form hunched over a large history book with an even larger dictionary, reading the tomes with some kind of desperation she couldn't hope to understand.

She had been trying to get him out of his shell, even going as far as to drag him to a nearby playground. So he could finally interact with his peers.

 _Look where that got us._ She thought to herself. After that horrific meeting with the demon, her son developed a sudden interest in the village's history and it's shinobi. He picked up books that looked dull to read even for her, but he stubbornly managed to get through them all. One by one with his trusty dictionary by his side.

Her attempt at getting Kazu to act a little more like a kid had been counterproductive. It made things worse.

 _Maybe I should…_ Miyako shook her head. No, she could make it work.

For now, she would do everything in her power to make Kazu's childhood a good one, so that he could think of it in fondness when he got older.

Miyako walked out of the room when she heard the soft sound of Kazu turning yet another page in his book, no longer able to look at him sitting there so quietly. _He must be thirsty,_ she thought, _I'll make tea…_ She felt like she should have been proud of her little boy for studying so well at this age, her friends never ceased complimenting him. But she felt a little empty inside, like she somehow expected things to be a little different.

She could keep ignoring the strange behaviour of Kazu, but she would have to admit it to herself one day- that she wanted him to play with other kids and get dirty, throw tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants, cry for her when he scrapes his knees, bug her for some toy he'll throw away the moment he's not interested anymore- she wished for a normal child and that realisation came with no small amount of guilt.

No. Miyako raised both her hands and slapped her cheeks, hoping that the sting would make her see reason.

Kazu was _hers._ She wouldn't change him for anything in the world. It's best if she just- _overlooked_ some of the things Kazu did. He was her son, she'd love him no matter how he acted. Miyako nodded to herself and walked back inside the living room, the tea in her hands.

Kazu looked up when she entered, his big amber eyes blinking rapidly as he tried, and failed, to supress a yawn. Miyako smiled, her worries washing away as she saw how her adorable son tried to stay awake.

''Come, you're tired.'' She ruffled his hair affectionately and placed the tea tray on the table, soon to be forgotten.

Really, Kazu is just a kid. Miyako thought as she picked him up, placing him on her right hip. A strange one for sure, but he was _her_ kid and she would do anything for him.

If it's for Kazu, she'd move mountains- because he was the only thing she still had. If she squeezed Kazu a little tighter than normal, he didn't say anything about it.

* * *

My right eye twitched as I walked down the streets. There they were again, those eyes. They've been following me for _days._

I'm being watched and it ticked me off like nothing else.

Surely Konoha wasn't that paranoid to watch a little kid as if he was a criminal? Wait- don't answer that one.

''Kazu-kun!'' A voice yelled brightly as he noticed my approach. The villagers sneered at us and I could faintly hear them mutter nasty things to each other. I ignored the voices and stared blankly at the person in front of me. His yellow hair fluttered in the wind and his chest heaved as he gulped in deep breaths from his short sprint.

''Good morning.'' I greeted him.

The reason why those eyes were present was because of one thing only. Naruto. Who decided to cling to me like a leech ever since I stood up for him to my very own mother. That was a week ago and we never failed to meet at this exact spot in the market, in front of the lady that sold tomatoes. I was afraid that she'd throw one of them at us one day, but she seemed to care a little more about her tomatoes than chasing us away. Though, I watched as practically the whole market shifted around us two- and thus the lady's stand too, we probably weren't doing her sales any good.

''C'mon! I saw two ninjas fighting on training ground seven over there!'' He grabbed my sleeve and began pulling me along. I heard even more whispers. Really, I'm surprised no one told my mother yet.

''This is not a wise decision.'' I told him as I let him pull me along through the small forest-like training grounds.

''Whatever! You have to see them, they were like BOOM and HAAH and totally awesome!'' He chattered excitedly, completely ignoring my advice. I wonder if he would just accept what I say if I told him it was my birthday today. I bet he'd make a fuss, accusing me of not telling him sooner. Then he would scratch the back of his head, sheepishly offering ramen as a present and shoving the fattening noodles down my throat when I would refuse to eat it. _Food of the gods, huh._ My lips twitched at the thought. No, my birthday wasn't worth the trouble.

''There!'' Naruto whispered, cutting of my thoughts as he pointed at something in the distance, his eyes wide with wonder. I followed Naruto's finger and moved a branch away to look at the clearing. And indeed, it was spectacular. The ninjas in front of us moved with a kind of grace and power that I could never manage in my old life. It was humbling to see. ''Oh! Ooh! This part is my favourite, he's going to use fire!'' Naruto grinned.

''Fire?'' I asked. Naruto opened his mouth to explain, but the ninja was faster. An enormous ball of fire was breathed at the other nin, engulfing him and burning even brighter than before. The heat tickled my cheeks as I stared in wonder at the shinobi in front of me.

''See?'' Naruto eyed the charred spot critically.

''Fire.'' I breathed. But then reality settled in. ''But what about the other guy? He didn't dodge.'' _Dead._ My mind whispered.

But the fire burned so quickly, like it was a dry piece of wood instead of a human. The ninja must have escaped somehow. Surely it couldn't have burned him to ash so quickly? Though, humans weren't supposed to be able to breath fire either. Sure, I read a lot of books at home about shinobi, but to truly see what they were capable of… was something entirely different altogether.

To see people that were this fast and powerful, quite frankly, scared the hell out of me. How could I ever hope to catch up to that? I thought I had an advantage as an reincarnated soul, but these shinobi were said to be capable of jumping to the height of humungous trees like it was nothing. I felt small just thinking about it.

I don't like the feeling.

I felt grateful to Naruto, I needed to see this, those were kids- not even teenagers yet- that could fight better than anyone in my world. Hell, they were better than me and I was in my prime when I died.

And as I remember the swift and impossible, gravity defying moves of those ninja, I realised that I needed to work just that much harder to break the limits in my mind. I needed to stop thinking about what I could and couldn't do with my body, because chakra made it all possible. I had a long way to go if I wanted to match these kids.

 _Swoosh. Thunk._

I stiffened as I felt a kunai just barely graze me. I raised my hand to my cheek. The sharp sting that I felt told me that it broke the skin there. I couldn't even see the kunai coming at me until it was too late. The realisation was daunting.

''You hit a child.'' The fire-breathing ninja called out.

The ninja that was supposed to be ash, jumped out of a tree and landed a few feet away from me.

''What?! That can't be, he didn't-'' He trailed of as he saw my blood covered fingers that were no longer pressed to my cheek. ''cry…'' The incredulity on his face was replaced with shock.

It wasn't that bad, it had time to bleed all over my fingers because I got caught off guard and pressed my wound too harshly. The fact that I couldn't control my body as well as I used to made things worse too. I jarred my wound. I wanted to say something when I saw guilt flash across his face. Something to reassure him that I was completely fine, but-

''You aren't dead.'' I stated flatly. _You should be dead, I saw you burn._

''Oh, that?'' The ninja that had thrown the kunai crouched in front of me and rubbed the back of his neck. ''That was just a simple academy jutsu.''

''Hn, it was the Kawarimi.'' The other ninja came up to me too. ''You should be more careful when observing ninja.''

I bowed to them. ''I apologize, I was too careless.''

But it was worth it.

''No, it's fine kid.'' The kunai-nin ruffled my hair apologetically. ''I wounded you, are you okay?'' He ghosted his fingers over my left cheek, right over the wound.

''Yes.'' I said simply.

''Oh…'' An awkward silence followed as the shinobi thought of what to say.

''We need to go, Shisui.'' The flame-breathing nin intoned. ''Mother is waiting for us.''

''Right. Bye kiddo! You should probably get that wound treated at the hospital, Kami knows whose blood those kunai have been tainted with-'' His partner hit him in the back of his head and Shisui grabbed his head, moaning something about cruel friends. The ninja nodded in my direction. ''He was joking, our apologies for causing you harm.'' Then, they were gone.

''K-kazu?'' I blinked. Right, Naruto was there too. Did he hide? ''A-are you okay?'' Naruto bowed his head and wrung his hands together, looking very depressing at the moment.

''Yes.'' I told him. ''Didn't you listen?''

''Yes, but it looks really bad!'' How cute, he's actually worried.

''I'll survive.'' I shrugged.

''…''

''Is something wrong? You're being rather quiet.'' I raised my eyebrow.

''I'm sorry… You-'' Naruto's eyes watered. ''-you got hurt because of me!'' A lone tear fell on the ground, followed by many more. Naruto tried to wipe them away with his sleeve without much success, the tears kept spilling out of his eyes and- and was that a sob?

''Didn't I just tell you that I'm fine?'' I didn't know what to do. Did he not believe my words? I'm really fine.

Naruto cried and hiccupped, trying to warble something incomprehensible. ''S-sorry! Don't leave!''

''Stop crying.'' My voice was laced with a slight amount of panic. I did not know how to deal with children. ''Stop that.'' I can't kill him to shut him up, I realised with a small amount of horror.

He wouldn't stop crying. I looked at my hands and back at Naruto, the blood must be bothering him. Without really thinking about it, I raised my bloodied hand and flicked his nose.

He stopped crying and stared cross-eyed at his nose. Shock written all over his face. It would have been funny, if he wasn't staring at bloodied fingerprint on his nose. I immediately regretted my actions. Whenever I was afraid of something, dealing with it directly was what worked for me. Maybe I shouldn't have…

''EWW!''

Naruto yelled and rubbed his nose, smearing the blood over his face and making it even worse. ''Eww, Kazu-! GROSS.'' He pointed at me angrily. ''Why'dya do that?!''

''You wouldn't stop crying.'' My answer was frank and monotonous, like I hadn't been panicking just a moment ago. I stuffed my blood-stained hand in my pocket. I didn't want to see my hand like that. The blood itched and felt more familiar than I wanted it to.

''That was mean.'' Naruto whined. ''I was worried, dattebayo!''

''It was unnecessary.'' I turned around and walked in the direction of my home.

''Kazuuuu.'' He groaned. ''Stop using big words. It's not fair.''

''I don't see why I should stop.'' I paused. ''And they're not even that complicated.'' I had no use for overly complicated words, why would an assassin even need to have a big vocabulary anyway?

''Hmpf! Fine, do what you want!'' Naruto crossed his arms and turned his face away. He still walked me home though.

The way home was quiet and comfortable. Though Naruto often cast worried glances my way, wringing his hands.

''Say, Naruto.'' I started, wanting to stop his fidgeting. ''How did you know the guy was going to breath fire?''

''I watch the ninja around here a lot so I remembered some jutsu!'' Naruto grinned. ''Fire jutsu are the awesomest, dattebayo!''

''Hmm, is that so?'' I looked at him from the corner of my eye. This guy…He's not as dumb as he portrays himself sometimes.

''Yep, they are really cool.'' Naruto looked at me. ''Right, Kazu?''

''Right.'' I told him. Though deep down, I couldn't agree with him. If anything, fire was something I intensely disliked even though our village is widely known for its fire-users in the Elemental Nations. Fire was an ugly way to kill, slow too.

I clenched my fists, I could almost smell the ashy scent of burning bodies and gasoline. The screams never stopped at once, always long and drawn out until all you could hear were the whimpers of the dying and the sobs of the ones trying in vain to put the flames out. Burning, burning, burning… It always took too long for them to die.

And I'd have to wait until I could confirm that no one managed to get out alive. I'd wait and wait and wait-

''-azu? Hey, Kazu! You okay?'' Naruto waved a hand in front of me.

I took a deep, unsteady breath. ''It's nothing.''

''Yeah, whatever.'' Naruto rolled his eyes at me and pouted. ''You never tell me anything.''

''Maybe later.''

''You always say that!'' He grumbled and my lips twitched, trying hard not to smile.

When we finally arrived at my house, I turned around to look at Naruto. ''Thanks for today. I really needed to see that.'' I really needed to see what this world was capable of and prepare myself accordingly.

''Ah, it's okay.'' Naruto beamed. ''It was kinda fun. You've got a cool scar now.''

It was funny how he eyed my wound with envy now, when he was crying his eyes out about it literally a couple of minutes ago. I didn't say that this kind of wound wouldn't leave a very noticeable scar. Let the kid dream.

''Oh! Kazu-chan!'' I quickly twisted around to look at mother. She wasn't supposed to be home right now. ''Happy birthday-'' She stopped when she really looked at me. My mother paled, her eyes glued to my cheek, staring at the drying blood.

''W-what.''

Her eyes strayed to a spot behind me where Naruto stood. She looked at the blood that covered my cheek and back to Naruto who had my blood smeared across his nose and cheeks. The situation didn't look that great for us. The hate in her eyes shouldn't have been surprising, but I still flinched. Naruto… Shit, he shouldn't have come with me. ''That demon did this to you!'' She shrieked. ''Go! Get away from my son, you KYUUBI BRAT!'' Her voice was high-pitched and grated on my ears. Why did mother have to be like this around Naruto? He's just a kid.

But then I realised what she said.

Kyuubi brat.

I looked behind me. _Kyuubi brat._ The hateful stares, the constant mentions of a demon whenever Naruto was there. He is an orphan, and while it sounds cold- he should have gone unnoticed amongst all the other orphans in Konoha.

I thought back to all the history books I read at the library. The Kyuubi who had almost wiped Konoha from the maps, who had killed many skilled shinobi, who had managed to sweep building away with a single flick of its tail. To think that one man could have killed the beast as they said in the books… Of course it was a lie.

I thought about the ninja I saw today, they were about the right age to be academy students or genin even. And to imagine, that there were adults even stronger than them who were wiped out like they were nothing.

It made me wary of Naruto. I didn't understand how something so powerful could be within this child. How does that even work?

I couldn't help but feel like there was something more behind it. After all, they could have just killed Naruto if they thought that the Kyuubi was likely to go on a rampage again.

''I-I'' Naruto stuttered. I was frozen on the spot, trying to take in the information about Naruto. There was no doubt he knew what the Kyuubi was- everyone knew.

But he acted to shocked- He _had_ known, right?

''Go away and don't come back! I'll never allow you near my son again!'' She pulled me into the house and slammed the door in Naruto's face. I could only catch a glimpse of his stricken face before the door closed. I felt terrible.

''Mom-''

''No.'' My mother trembled. ''Don't speak yet, dear.'' She picked me up and carried me to the kitchen. She reached for the first aid kit with one hand while balancing me on the other. I could hear her frantic heartbeat in her chest and I clenched my fist in her blouse. I wanted to tell her that she overreacted, that it wasn't Naruto's fault that my cheek was cut. But I knew she wouldn't listen.

He was the Kyuubi after all. That was reason enough for her to hate him.

So I didn't say a thing.

Because even though I have grown to… care… for Naruto in these few days I spend with him, I couldn't choose him over my own mother. I pressed my face in the crook of her neck and squeezed my eyes shut. _I'm sorry, Naruto._

''There, there.'' My mother patted my back soothingly. ''You're okay now, mommy is here for you.''

I felt like a failure for feeling safe and warm, when I knew that Naruto would bear the hatred of a whole village on his own again.

Happy birthday, to me.

* * *

 **So, what do you think?**

 **Sorry for the long A/N in the beginning.** **Meh- I doubt anyone reads them anyway.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Umm... there are more people who read this story than I originally thought there would be...**

 **Aaahh I'm so afraid of letting you guys down! Especially HT who is unfortunately a guest so I can't really reply to any of your reviews with a PM, but I LOVE reading them. Seriously you're awesome.**

 **You're all freaking awesome.**

 **Every time I see a review, I think- wow, someone actually took time to commend on this little fic of mine. And then I kind of feel like I shouldn't let it all be for nothing and just get to writing it.**

 **I'd hate to disappoint any of you.**

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

I sat cross-legged in the front yard, my eyes closed in meditation. The smell of the grass beneath me was both frightening and relaxing. It reminded me of my end, and at the same time- a new beginning. Grass. I can still smell the meadow I stumbled across in my haste to get away in my past life. The earthy scent from the grass beneath me overwhelmed my senses and swept me away to memories of a world that I wouldn't ever enter again.

For that, I'm glad. Because I don't need to think about my troubles when I'm like this- drowning in my old memories, of someone who I used to be.

This new world I live in is both better and worse than my old one.

I may be a child right now, but I am not blind.

This world is so violent and deadly. The tension is always so high between the villages and war could break out at any given moment.

But this world also knows love better than the people in my world. Not only romantic love. I'm talking about bonds of family and friends. I'm talking about the people who would face their worst fears for the ones they love, people who would lay their lives down for their precious people without a second thought.

I thought about my mother. I didn't notice it at first, but whenever she sees Naruto her heartbeat would quicken and her breathing would steadily become more laboured. She feared Naruto more than anything else and I was a fool for not noticing the extend she was willing to go to protect me.

Now that I know her reason for always dragging me away from the kid, I felt my respect for my mother go up a few notches.

In my mother's eyes, I got in contact with the actual Kyuubi. She thinks that the beast could be released any moment and she trembles whenever she lays eyes upon my blonde friend.

And yet she still manages to find the courage to protect me at the cost of- what felt like- her life. She was ready to hit Naruto, her greatest fear, to protect me.

And I feel… strangely warm. The feeling is so at odds with my thoughts that even now, scream at me that something is wrong with all of this. A nagging voice at the back of my mind, growing fainter by the day.

And my days were spend training and reading. Wake up, eat, train until lunch, eat, train until dinner, read and sleep. Rinse and repeat.

I slowly, but surely got better and better. Taijutsu was the easiest for me to master, seeing that it was the only thing I could actually practise a little with the help of my previous knowledge. Chakra is beyond my reach at the moment though. I still needed to remind myself from time to time, that my limits were different from the ones I had back on earth. Here, in this ninja world, the word 'limit' sounded like a joke.

There was no limit.

I came to understand that titbit when I saw a man in green run down the street, as fast as a car and shouting about YOUTH all the way down, until I could not make his spandex-glad figure out anymore. His very being exuded power.

That was when I realised the potential I had. The thought of me having that kind of power was… almost unimaginable. It gave me motivation to train all day long and read every book I was allowed to read about ninja.

But first…

I frowned at my hands, trying to get to something…something clearly out of my reach.

There is some kind of energy that's supposed to be flowing through my body. Chakra, that's what the books called it.

The academy teachers were supposed to help unlock our chakra, but seeing that I'm not going there yet… Well, I will have to do this the hard way. I clench my fists and slowly open them again, trying to get a feel of my chakra.

The chakra is centred behind my navel. I think as I close my eyes.

 _There you will find the chakra, swirling and turning…_

Chakra swirls in a clockwise motion. Concentrate.

 _When you focus in on where your chakra is supposed to be gathered, you have to search for that tiny speck of energy…_

Chakra is unique and different for everyone. Where one might find warmth and tingles, another might feel cold and numbness.

 _Chakra is like an unused limb. The first time you realise it's there, you won't be able to move it at first. It's a muscle that you need to train and the more you use it, the stronger it will be. But like a muscle, you can harm yourself if you strain yourself too much._

Chakra is fragile in its beginning stages. It's easy to stretch it too much and harm your chakra pathways. That is why a lot of children only get taught about chakra in their last few years of the academy. There have been many cases where little kids were too enthusiastic and trained too much, thus losing their chance to ever become a ninja.

It won't happen to me.

 _Once you get a feel of your chakra, it's presence cannot be ignored anymore._

I took a deep breath. In and out. In… and out…

I could feel it, just beyond my reach, but it was there. A flickering flame calmly waiting for me. It was still and quiet, but it was oh so warm.

 _Chakra will be a constant reminder of who you are, a shinobi. Chakra is a power one uses to protect their home._

 _But chakra… It's more than just a tool. It is something that defines you._

I tried to reach out to that warmth, but I always seem to miss it somehow. I wanted to embrace it.

I wanted my chakra.

I lost my concentration in my eagerness to reach out to it. I cursed and ran my hand through my black hair. ''At least I was closer this time.'' I sighed and stood up, stretching my short limbs.

While this exercise frustrated me to no end, it took my mind off of things for a while. I still remember that ninja that cut my cheek. He was so fast and silent. I could've been dead a hundred times over in that short talk we had after he threw that kunai. It weighed on my mind and made me realise just how vulnerable I really am.

So I've been training, trying to get back to the strength and agility my old body had- and hopefully more.

''Kazu! Dinner is ready!''

I ran to the backdoor, trying to get there as fast as I'm able to.

When I finally reached the door, my breathing was slightly heavier than normal. It was rather disappointing if I were to be honest.

''Come here, you've already gotten dirt on your new shorts.'' Mother scolded and placed her hand on her hips, the position she always takes when she disapproves of something. I winced a bit, not liking the way her voice made me feel guilty even when I haven't done anything too terrible.

''M'sorry.'' I muttered, feeling rather petulant at the moment. Why should I apologize? A little dirt doesn't even matter that much.

''Oh you.'' More than a little exasperated, my mother picked me up. ''Little troublemaker.'' She says fondly and takes my shoes off for me.

''I can do that myself.'' I protested.

''Of course you can.'' She doesn't let up.

I huffed and crossed my arms across my chest.

''Moooooomm-'' I freeze. Did I just _whine_?

That wasn't me, right? A stifled snort made me look up at mother who tried her hardest not to laugh at my unusual behaviour.

''Yes, dear?'' Her eyes twinkled and I realised that yes, yes that was me.

''It- uh- t'was nothing.'' I said a little too quickly. That did not just happen. Me, a murderer, whining to his mom? No. Preposterous.

* * *

I have recently realised that my control has been steadily slipping through my fingers. Impulses that used to be so easily controlled required more effort on my part.

Days, weeks, months passed and I improved myself constantly. The need to prove myself, to be the best again and the fear of dying in this ruthless world as a weakling drove me to trying new things before the academy even started.

Of course, the only thing I could actually practise with was Taijutsu, but that didn't stop me from learning about the theory of genjutsu and ninjutsu. I still needed someone to unlock my chakra though- or maybe get a lesson in meditation.

* * *

October 10 came around. A national holiday where the people of Konoha celebrated the defeat of the Kyuubi and mourned the lives lost to the beast. Every year, my mother would close our doors and draw the curtains. She never wanted me to take part in any of the festive activities at all.

Today, however, was different. Mother bought us yukatas to wear to the festival.

I was allowed to go this year.

Although I was never particularly interested in the festival, I did want to know why I was suddenly allowed to go this year. I was sure it wasn't because I've become older. After all, I'm not even in the academy yet.

It's suspicious. I thought my mother would be even more determined to keep me inside this year because of my meeting Naruto.

"Let's go, Kazu." My mother said cheerily. We walked through the door and onto the streets where I spotted a couple of people dancing in the streets. We passed a lot of rowdy people to get to the market street. The place looked a lot bigger now that all the stalls have been moved to the side. The place is packed with people.

''Oh! Ayame!'' My mother called out to her friend. I sighed and decided to watch the dancers on the street, knowing that mother is going to take a while.

I looked over the mass of people. Adults, teenagers, children and even ninja were mixed in the crowd. Today, they were not merchants or killers. Today, they were just citizens of Konoha.

They danced erratically and out of the rhythm of the drums that seemed to reach all the corners of Konoha. They looked happy. They smiled and twirled around each other and their laughter rang through the whole street. Sometimes people joined and sometimes people left.

But there was one lady, she always stayed there in the center, I noticed, dancing on her own and smiling very brightly. She looked happy.

But her dance was bittersweet.

Slow. Graceful and mindful of the people around her, who were much more energetic in their dancing. She moved like a cat and her feet seemed to barely touch the ground she danced on. There was a gap, though, whenever she weaved through the throng. A space in front of her that she didn't allow anyone to enter. If someone stepped too close, she would take a few steps back, dancing all the while. The space she made would always be just enough for one person to fill, yet she didn't allow anyone to take that place even though some males tried. She'd twist away and find somewhere else to dance with a little more space.

She stood out to me.

Every dance here in the street was danced by an individual. All the dances were different, feet stomped and jumped in different ways. Not a single one was the same.

But they all danced with a wild abandon, like all their pent up energy was saved for this specific day.

The lady's dance was controlled and her dance, in comparison to all the others, seemed bittersweet to me.

The dance spoke to me in a way I didn't know something like that could. I always thought that dances were trivial, something that only served to remind me how much we humans appreciate beauty above all else.

Lanterns were already lit in the streets even though twilight just arrived. It made the atmosphere so much more lively and the lady looked even more alone in that crowd full of happy people. I reminded myself that today was also a day of mourning and felt a sense of wrongness watching the lady, like I was intruding on something and seeing things not meant for my eyes.

So I turned away and I tugged on my mother's skirt, catching her attention.

"I'd like to talk more, but I must have bored Kazu out of his mind. It's almost been an hour and we haven't seen a thing!'' I heard my mother say sheepishly. But on the contrary, I've seen more than I probably should have.

We went back to the festival. A crowd had gathered around one of the stands, I got curious and pulled my mother towards the stand so I could hear what they were saying. A man stood there, talking to the crowd. He told the story of our Fourth Hokage. He spun a tragic story full of the Fourth's heroic deeds and accomplishments, his voice rang through the quiet streets, washing over the people who were lost in their own memories of what was supposed to be a new era.

He slowly ran out of amazing feats of the Fourth that he could share and they got closer and closer to the Fourth's Last Act- the sealing of the Kyuubi. He spat the name 'Kyuubi' out like it was a poison in his mouth. He told us about the power and the hate the nine tails held and about the evil that was present in every tailed beast. His voice was dark and gravelly, full of promises. I tried very hard to ignore the speaker as mother guided me away from the stand. But I stiffened as I heard him shout ''TONIGHT WE RID THE WORLD OF A DEMON!'' There was only one person I knew that would be considered a demon in the eyes of these citizens. Naruto. I tried hard not to react, to be calm and not rush into things blindly.

They were going to kill Naruto. They're going to gang up on him and kill an innocent little kid. I clenched my fist. ''I don't care.'' I whisper to myself. Because I didn't. I haven't known him for that long. He was nothing to me. Nothing. It's been months, I haven't missed him.

He was the Kyuubi anyway, he had to die- for the safety of everyone in this village.

Cerulean eyes full of hurt flashed across my mind. The blue pools lacking the normal cheer and trust I've come to associate with that person.

But I didn't know Naruto.

I don't care.

''Oh! Look at that Kazu-kun!'' Mother smiled and pointed at a stand. ''Let's try that one, I'm sure you'll love it!'' I smiled back, pushing the blonde kid out of my mind. I don't know him, so I don't care.

''Let's go!''

* * *

I laughed and smiled a lot tonight. I want to say that I had fun, and maybe I would have, if not for the constant flashes of those eyes that looked at me, accusing me and piercing all my shields like only those blue pools can.

The Third Hokage favoured the Demon though. I doubt that he would just let him die like this, right?

My mother and I were almost at home when I heard voices, loud voices coming from somewhere in front of us. I couldn't quite make out what they were saying, but that was not a problem anymore as we got closer.

''Take that, you demon!'' A male voice growled. I tensed as I saw a group of people gathering in a small alleyway. The shadows prevented me from seeing too much, but I was sure I saw a flash of yellow. The laughter of drunk men rang through the streets and dread began to settle in my stomach. It couldn't be…

I sped up, walking towards the men that cheered and hollered something about a demon, a monster- a brat. Brat as in _child._ Demon as in _Kyuubi._ A monster- _as in_ _Naruto._

I began to run.

I distantly heard my mother run after me, but my mind didn't really register her presence. Perhaps if I was thinking clearly, I would not have sprinted to danger so carelessly with my mother in tow. But I was not thinking clearly at the moment. My mind seemed to only be capable of thinking about the small form laying on the ground in the shadows.

Mother- she hasn't said a word.

''Die! Demon brat!'' Another shout rang through the air, followed by another bout of cheers. My blood ran cold when I saw another flash of yellow and this time I could see green goggles.

Naruto wears green goggles.

''Stop!'' I shouted, trying to be heard above all the noise the group made. ''Stop!'' A man noticed me, the man holding a stick. The man that shouted all those things that made my blood boil and my hands feel cold.

''Do you want a go, kid?'' The man said, swaying slightly on his feet, holding the stick out for me. He said it so casually to me, that I stopped right in my tracks. ''Do I want… a go?'' I repeated, not sure if I truly understood what he was saying. ''Yeah, here.'' The man smiled indulgently and pushed the stick in my hands and took a step back. He treated it like a game I should be enjoying.

''This…'' _Is wrong. What did he ever do to you? He's not a monster, he's a kid. I would know. I'm the only one who really talked to him. No monster could have acted the part of a child that well._

It's wrong. ''You're beating a-'' I began, but got interrupted. ''-a doll.'' My mother finished my sentence and came up behind me, looking slightly dishevelled from the run.

I looked at the center where Naruto was- where I _thought_ Naruto was. Because he wasn't there. The blonde locks, orange clothes and the green goggles were all there. It looked like Naruto, down to the scar-like whiskers.

But it was a doll.

A doll.

I stared at the doll whose cotton skin was ripped and whose white stuffing spilled out on the ground. The once pure white colour was painted brown by the dirt that it was beaten in. I know who that motionless heap of cloth was supposed to represent.

But I felt relieved all the same.

Because it wasn't _really_ Naruto.

Of course no one would dare harm the Kyuubi. What if it gets angered and decides to get revenge on the village? Plus, I heard that the Third Hokage protected him.

I felt ridiculous now, staring at the _doll_. It was not logical for them to actually beat Naruto up. I'm only now realising things that I should have realised the second I saw that flash of yellow and heard that speech about the Kyuubi.

I seem to have failed to do something I swore I'd never forget, and that is keeping my rational thought.

It stung, because I was so used to being right, in being correct in all my predictions. But to do that, I've always needed a clear mind and logic.

Two things I clearly discarded today.

What was I thinking? Charging in blindly like that? I'm not a child anymore, I shouldn't have made such reckless mistakes.

But that's just it, isn't it? I _am_ a child in this world. Maybe not with the amount of experience I have, but in body I'm a five-year-old kid.

My brain is part of my body, my reaction to things are controlled by my brain which means- I _am_ a child in every way except for my memories of a past life. My lowered guard and irrational emotions and urges, it can all be explained because _I am a child._

A child can't control their emotions and urges as well as an adult. It's why they cry so easily, why they- if you ignore their lack of knowledge- do stupid things.

It's why _I've_ been doing stupid things.

''Well, are you going to hit it or not?'' The man asked again. I shook my head wordlessly and passed the stick back to him. The man shrugged. ''Pity.'' They ignored me after that.

Mom led me away, probably thinking about the attachment I feel towards, in her eyes, a monster.

But as I walked home with my mother, thinking about her feelings towards Naruto, I found that the usual sting of unease was not present today.

Because clearly it was my childish body that made me so attached to the kid in the first place. I've known Naruto for a few weeks.

It's not logical for me to be this attached to a person in only a few weeks. Not to the point of risking myself to save him anyway.

I don't know Naruto _that_ well.

I don't care.

I don't.

I just wanted to go home and sleep.

* * *

''He's quite the stubborn one, isn't he?''

''Hai.''

''To have resisted those Genjutsu so many times in a single night. Another 'genius', huh?''

''Hai.''

''Dismissed.''

''Hai.''

* * *

 **Yeah, can anyone guess who that last person is? ^^**


	6. Chapter 6

**An update! Surprise surprise!**

 **I'm sorry it took a while to update. I was stuck on something, and now I probably have chapter 11 or smth while it's still missing chapters 6 through 10.**

 **To be honest, I've been winging it from the moment I posted that first chapter. Now that I look back on it, this story is hella messy with tons of mistakes- those that I have noticed and those that I have yet to notice.**

 **And yet, despite all that, I somehow managed to attract 100 followers to my little story here.**

 **So I thank you!**

 **Here's your chapter!**

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

''Psshhhtt- Kazu!'' The sound came from my right. My eye twitched. Keep breathing, just keep breathing. In… and out.

''Hey!''

In… and out.

''Kazuuuuu-''

My finger twitched.

''Pssshhtt!''

A deep breath. In and out.

''Pssssshhhhh-''

My hands clenched shut.

''Cut it out.'' I snapped at Naruto, finally giving up on my morning meditation. ''I was meditating.''

''Oh, sorry?'' Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. I turned to glare at him, only to freeze in my place.

''What happened, Naruto?'' I asked him tersely, my form tense as I eyed his ripped and dirty clothes. There were no visible wounds on Naruto, but I could see specks of blood in his jumpsuit. Flashes of yesterday night came to me, like particularly annoying flies.

 _White cotton- brown, beaten into the dirt. Laughs rang through the night. ''Die, Demon!''_

''Oh, this? This is nothing, I just fell out of a tree yesterday.'' Naruto shrugged. I stared at him, he didn't seem to be lying. Did he really…?

He did.

''Naruto.''

''Ya?''

''You are an idiot.'' I deadpanned.

''Hey! What's with you!'' Naruto, who had come to sit in front of me, jumped up and pointed a finger at me.

''Nothing, I'm just stating a fact.'' I replied. I couldn't believe him… after last night-!

Then I realised something. ''Where were you last night?''

Naruto blinked. ''Huh? With Jii of course!''

''And… who is this Jii?'' I asked.

''Duh, the Hokage!'' He told me. ''Just you wait, I'll surpass that old man one day!'' He turned to the general direction of the Hokage mountain and raised one fist. ''Believe it!''

''Yes. Right.'' I said. ''What do you want?''

Naruto turned back around. ''Uh.. about- about that time…'' He said nervously.

That time…My eyes widened slightly, _that_ was ages ago. Why would he- after so long.

 _Right_ , I realised, _I haven't spoken with Naruto since my mother freaked out about the cut on my cheek._

''Yeah, about that… I'm sorry.'' I apologized.

''I know! I'm so sorry- wait what?'' Naruto blinked at me. I raised my eyebrow at him. ''You didn't seriously think that I was going to make you apologize for that, did you?''

Naruto lowered his face and kicked a pebble on the ground. ''Uh. No?''

He did, I thought drily. ''Well, whatever, it's fine.''

 _It's not fine._ I thought to myself. _You need to get away before my mother sees you again._

I didn't really want Naruto to be friendless again. But cutting our bond would be best for now. I felt uneasy just sitting here with Naruto.

After yesterday, I realised how dangerous it could be to stay with him.

I didn't have to worry about Naruto, the Sandaime would take care of him.

But…''Does the Sandaime take care of you?'' I wanted to be sure.

''Wha, Jii? Nah, he's too busy. I was just lucky yesterday. Geez, how busy can an old guy like him be?'' Naruto huffed.

 _No, because it's not like he's the Hokage or anything._ I thought drily.

''Then… who takes care of you?''

Naruto shrugged. ''Meh, I take care of myself. Anyway, your mom is really pretty, y'know?'' He grinned. ''You're so lucky!''

''Aa.'' I stared at Naruto, choosing not to comment on his blatant change of topics. Then, I realised what he said.

My mother? Pretty?

My mother was the one keeping Naruto from his only friend. She had shown him nothing but her ugly side.

How did Naruto not resent her for it? Even though she called him all those awful names and was ready to hurt him- he called her pretty.

I thought about the way my mother had screeched at Naruto and winced. ''What's so pretty about a woman out to hurt you?'' I asked. Because that was exactly what my mother wanted to do. Hurt him for hurting me, even though it was a misunderstanding.

Naruto shrugged. ''She was only trying to protect you, I guess.'' He grinned at me and folded his arms behind his head. ''That's a really cool mother you have, Kazu. I wish I had a mother like that.''

''Naruto…'' I trailed off, feeling bad for him.

''Ah! It's fine!'' Naruto frantically waved his arms at me. ''Really! Don't worry, it's just a silly wish!'' He tried to reassure me, though I don't think he realises that he's only making things worse. ''I mean, I've been doing fine all by myself so I don't really need a mom anyways!'' Naruto finished with his thumbs up, his ever present grin directed at me.

I raised an eyebrow. Naruto rubbed his head sheepishly. ''I just thought it would be nice.'' _Yes,_ I thought to myself, _it is nice._ More than just nice.

Silence reigned.

I felt for Naruto. He was the real child here, and he had no one to rely on. Even I have no idea what it would be like to be alone and resented. I wonder, would I be able to stay as strong-willed as Naruto?

I found myself not able to answer my own question.

''Naruto?''

''Yeah?'' Naruto looked at me curiously. ''What is it?'' He asked. I looked up at the sky, avoiding Naruto's searching gaze.

I wanted to tell him lots of things. Things like the guilt I felt for ignoring him these past months, and that I probably wouldn't be seeing him again.

How I felt so angry at the villagers for hating a child.

How I wished things could have been different.

But most of all.

Right now, I wanted to apologize for being a coward. Apologize for leaving him.

I truly had a lot to tell him.

Yet, all that came out of my mouth was, ''You'd make a good Hokage.''

His following smile was bright enough to blind me. In comparison, my smile was barely a grimace. That was not what I had wanted to say. I was about to tell him I wanted to cut our friendship, but really, there was no way I could tell him, not without erasing that smile.

It was my selfish desire to see that smile again, that I chose to walk away that moment.

I couldn't bring myself to tell him.

* * *

The man was old, a veteran that never quite left the war he fought in.

He held his hands in front of him, quietly thinking to himself as he slowly paced around his desk. Shimura Danzo was contemplating a problem that came up recently.

Uzumaki had discovered that he housed the Kyuubi. A civilian hadn't been able to control herself and blurted it out.

She was even arrogant enough to think that there would be no consequences to her despicable actions, continuing with her everyday life as if nothing has happened.

Danzo's eye twitched. He had always been against Hiruzen's idea of informing the citizens who exactly their jinchuuriki was. And then Hiruzen refused to tell the Uzumaki what his job was as a jinchuuriki, he didn't even tell him there was a bijuu in his stomach. Someone was bound to slip up and call the Uzumaki something that would reveal what he was.

Revealing their jinchuuriki like Hiruzen did created a weakness, the Uzumaki wasn't trained enough to protect himself, let alone the village. Still, it showed the other villages that they acquired a powerful asset following the crippling blow of losing Namikaze Minato and several high ranking nin. Hiruzen was the Sandaime for a reason after all.

He had always been a bit better at village politics than he was.

Though, this particular woman… Like shouting 'Kyuubi brat' at the host was any different from telling him directly that he was the nine-tail's jinchuuriki. Danzo supressed the urge to sigh. He had expected one of the civilians to slip up, but that didn't make this any less frustrating. If it weren't for Hiruzen's influence on the boy, they would have a vengeful jinchuuriki on the loose.

Konoha didn't need residents that couldn't keep village secrets just that _\- a secret._

Hiruzen was angry enough that he probably wouldn't mind too much if he got rid of the civilian. The Uzumaki child came to Hiruzen, crying and wailing incoherent sentences. Danzo had no doubt that by now, the Sandaime would have coaxed the truth out of Naruto. And he _would_ be angry, after all, his old friend had a particularly soft spot for the jinchuuriki. If that wasn't enough reason to off her, the fact that it was an S-rank secret, punishable by death, would be. At least, enough to ease Sandaime's wrath.

If people knew that she committed _that_ kind of crime, it was only too easy to forget that she had a child in the chaos that will inevitably follow. Her child was rumoured to be a genius and he was eager to find out how much of one.

It was worth raising the anger of both the Sandaime and Konoha's civilian crowd. They would get over it eventually. There was no doubt the civilians would see it as another death the 'monster' was responsible for.

Danzo's lips thinned at the thought. Foolish and petty, they were. All they would accomplish was the alienation of a powerful asset.

No matter, at least the Sandaime managed to secure the loyalty of the jinchuuriki.

He had business to attend to.

''Nineteen, twenty-four .'' Two operatives moved to kneel in front of him, one hand on a raised knee, both were ready to move whenever he would order it. There was no nod of approval from him, he would not settle for anything less than complete obedience and respect. He could turn his back on them and not worry about an attack. They were exceptionally well trained. Still, it was a risk he'd never take.

''You know what to do. Move out.'' He ordered. His shinobi nodded and left the base to fulfil their missions. The only thing one could hear of their departure was the slight rustle of cloth before, that too, disappeared.

Danzo sat down in front of his desk. He needed to finish planning the training of operative Kazu, soon to be… hmm, it seems like the number three was available now- a pity. Kazu will be number three.

He was informed of his interest in shinobi.

Who was he, to deny a child his dream?

* * *

I frowned at my hands, trying to manipulate my chakra. I held my hands over my navel, trying to get a feel of the chakra inside of me. Chakra still eluded me, even though I have gotten good at sensing it. I was still unable to mould and shape my chakra to my will, it was still locked tightly in my small form. Close, but just out of my reach like an itch I couldn't scratch.

But chakra was more than that. I could feel it flooding my body, but it was held behind a film, not allowing me to truly touch it. I needed that film, the block, gone. But I would be an idiot to just tear it off, even though I am tempted to sometimes. Tearing it off would damage my coils, I would just have to wear it down, or someone would need to carefully remove it for me. There was no other way.

I felt my mother's chakra spike in fear. Immediately I stopped meditating and jumped to my feet, running as fast as my legs could carry me. What happened? I was there in no time, breaking my previous record and not caring one bit. I jerked the backdoor open and ran inside, coming to a halt as I saw the shaking form of my mother. I felt cold as I noticed the cause of my mother's fear.

There was a shinobi in our house. _An assassin_ , I thought, _an ANBU_. The masked man barely glanced at me and went back to my mother, who looked deathly pale. ''Why.'' My mother said faintly, swaying on her feet. She looked ready to pass out. I noticed and took a step forward, wanting to reach out to my mother, but knowing it would only startle her. So I stayed quiet and decided to listen instead. The masked man didn't seem to care.

''Your execution will take place today.''

Silence.

I blinked, thinking that I heard wrong. Nobody said a word.

Then, a gasp broke the heavy atmosphere, heaving sobs cut through the tension. I ran to my mother, clutching her arm.

''There must be a mistake.'' I looked at the ANBU, searching for something, anything that would reassure me it was all just a stupid mistake on their part. But no, the shinobi was as stoic as ever, watching me hang on to my mother while she cried and sobbed and begged.

 _What happened?_ The question rang through my mind.

So I asked.

''What happened.'' I clutched my mother even tighter as she realised I was here, she pulled me to her and buried her face in my hair. Crying _sorrysorrysorry_ softly as she held me in her bruising grip. I looked up at the man. I wanted- no, I _needed_ \- to know. I wouldn't be able to rest otherwise. I would be up every night, thinking, _why?_

'' S-class village secret, revealed to Uzumaki Naruto.'' Came his clipped answer.

Naruto. The Kyuubi. My eyes widened. _That_ was a village secret? I did wonder why nobody called him the Kyuubi…

But, when had my mother…

 _Fire, blood, a sting on my cheek. Questions, revelations. Naruto and I walked to my home. I had a scratch on my cheek. My blood was on his face. My mother was home, she saw us. She was supposed to be at the market._

 _She wasn't supposed to be there._

 _''_ _Go! Get away from my son, you KYUUBI BRAT!''_

 _A scream, a door slammed shut. Guilt._

…it was my fault.

I closed my eyes and let my mother squeeze me as much as she wanted to. Tears gathered behind my eyelids, and I refused to let them fall.

Mother had cried enough for the both of us that day.

It wasn't fair.

 _But nothing is ever fair in this world._

* * *

I was moved to an orphanage.

I missed mother.

A lot.

She would always hold a special spot in my heart. The One who loved me unconditionally.

Sometimes, I wonder if I had dreamt it all. It sure felt like one.

The days after my mother's execution- that I wasn't even allowed to watch- felt like waking up from a dream. Everything looked so hazy, and yet so real, and it didn't quite fit in my mind. The time spend with my mother felt like a dream I had been woken up from rather rudely.

My mother's friends no doubt cried for her. Did they think I was executed too? They never visited me at the orphanage.

Sometimes, I wonder what I am supposed to be doing. Why had I been reborn, and not someone else? What did they need from an assassin?

Was I to sow sorrow in the hearts of these people? Was I to protect Konoha? Maybe kill the Demon? Remove a threat?

What was my purpose?

I wander aimlessly around the grounds of Konoha's orphanage. The place was worn down and, frankly speaking, more than a little depressing. The wooden walls looked fragile, like a strong wind could topple the building. It creaked in the most eerie way and seemed to sway in the wind.

Dreary, grey- that was how I would describe this place.

But this was home now.

I felt the prickle of tears in my eyes and blinked them away without much effort. It became easier and easier to control my emotions again. I was glad- happy, even- that my mother pulled out my emotional side. It was good to feel again, for a short while at least.

But enough was enough. I had played around for too long, I've stayed stagnant for too long. And I paid for it.

It was only after that encounter with the ANBU that I realised that the masked man in our home wasn't a normal ANBU. He wore a blank mask, with no animal painted on it.

It was a stupid mistake to make. It could have been anyone beneath that mask and I would have handed over my mother without a fight.

But no one had raised an alarm. People knew of the execution, if the pitying looks I've gotten were any indication.

So he must have been of some special division. It was the only thing I could think of.

Looks like I'm not so knowledgeable about Konoha after all.

''Hey! It's the Demon Kin! Demon Kin!'' A high-pitched voice shouted behind me. I turned around to see a couple of older kids run towards me.

They formed a circle around me, laughing and leering at the Demon Kin. ''We have the Demon Kin, the Demon Kin. He'll have to suffer~ the Demon Kin, the Demon Kin.'' They ran around me, singing the verses like some perverse children's song. I clenched my fists, wanting to beat the kids in front of me for being so insensitive, but knowing it to be a very bad idea. They were academy kids, they were in their last year. I took a deep, calming breath. I can't win from almost-genins. My skill and unusual strength won't matter when they outnumbered me and have greater strength because of their age.

It was a fight I couldn't win. I rationalised and calmed down, unclenching my fists and relaxing my stance. I wouldn't give them the reaction they wanted out of me.

They were children. They don't know better. I told myself as they continued to sing and taunt me.

''Hey! Shut up!'' A familiar voice yelled. My head snapped in the direction of the shout. Blond hair and angry, blue eyes greeted my sight. I stiffened. ''Leave Kazu alone!'' Naruto growled, glaring at the children.

''It's the Demon! Run!'' The children laughed and ran away from Naruto. Acting like it was all just a game to them. I clenched my fists again. A tense silence enveloped the both of us, neither really knowing what to say.

It was Naruto that eventually broke the silence. ''I heard about your mother…'' He trailed off, wincing, as if it didn't quite come out the way he had wanted it to.

Normally, I wasn't one to take offense to something like that. It was clear to me he didn't mean to make it sound so blunt. But I wasn't in a good mood today.

Haven't been for a while.

Those kids just then didn't help my bad mood any, in fact, they made me absolutely _livid._ And here Naruto was, the cause of my mother's death, standing next to me and _knowing_ he was the cause.

Everybody knew he was the reason my mother was executed.

And he had the _gall_ to come before me, bringing up her death so easily. My clenched hands trembled and I bowed my head, not looking at Naruto at all.

I was overreacting, I needed to calm down.

I knew that.

I knew that my mother's execution had been too recent for me to think clearly if _Naruto_ of all people was to bring it up to me. Not even the cruellest kid in this orphanage, not even the ones calling me 'Demon Kin', were daft enough to bring up my mother's death like that.

''K-Kazu? Uh-ah are you alright?'' Naruto's worried voice came from my left.

But knowing I was overreacting didn't mean that I could ignore what I was feeling.

And I was feeling less than forgiving at the moment.

''Do I look like I'm alright?'' I snapped at Naruto, raising my head to look at him, and he flinched back.

Of course I didn't look alright. I haven't been sleeping well lately, and it showed in the form of dark circles underneath my eyes. I was _miserable_ and Naruto's presence only rubbed salt into my open wounds.

Naruto would never be executed like my mother, no matter what atrocities he pulled, as long as he was loyal only to Konoha. _They would never throw away the Kyuubi's power._

While my mother… while my mother was just a mother working two jobs and generally useless to Konoha as a whole. She was so easily discarded. She had a son, but what was one extra orphan in Konoha?

It was _unfair._

And I was being unfair to a _child_ that wasn't even to blame. Just a victim of circumstance. But I was so angry, I felt like I was going to burst.

Naruto needed to get away, before I was going to say something I was going to regret.

''Please, get out of my sight.'' I whispered. Naruto reeled back, as if he had been slapped, hurt flashed across his blue eyes. He took a small step back, as if he couldn't quite believe what I just said. Then he took another step, and another, before he finally turned around, running away. I reached my arm out to Naruto's retreating form, realising how that must have sounded to Naruto.

Like I never wanted to see him again.

''Naruto!'' I called his name, but he had already disappeared. Out of my sight, just as I told him to.

 _Hurt, betrayal flashed across his blue eyes. Smile disappearing like snow melting under the sun._

 _A victim of circumstance…huh._ I stared at the spot Naruto had stood in just a few moments ago. I used to feel something, whenever I saw the villagers ignore and reject Naruto, like he was some foul creature. I had thought that, even if Naruto had been a real demon, he was still just a little kid. I deluded myself, thinking I was not like them.

The anger and hurt that I felt had taken me completely by surprise. It hadn't been me who was treated so poorly, yet I had felt so strongly about it, like I was the one standing in Naruto's place. I thought I wouldn't treat Naruto like the rest, I thought that I wouldn't stoop so low as to hurt a child.

But it seems like I hurt him all the same.

I didn't like to admit it, but it was my mother's mistake, blurting out a village secret like that in the heat of the moment. Naruto never _intended_ for his mother to be hurt, even though she was the one keeping him from his only friend.

Naruto never resented his mother for it.

But Naruto was the one who had paid for her mistake.

I know that the villagers have been treating him a lot worse now. Now that he actually knew why he was so hated to begin with.

Everything was so out of my control.

I looked at the sky, drained of my anger. I didn't feel empty, never empty like _before._ Now it's always something clouding my judgement. Always something that results in mistakes made.

I never thought I would miss my old life, devoid of freedom or emotion.

Emotions were getting rather tiring.

 _I'm sorry, mother, Naruto._

It seems like I am just incapable of caring for the people I care about.

* * *

 **What a depressing chapter...**

 **For the ones who guessed Danzo, congrats! I'm afraid I don't have a prize for you, but uh, hooray?**

 **For all those who have reviewed so far- I love to read all of your reviews, they truly warm my heart every time I read them.**

 **They give this insecure writer courage!**


	7. Not a chapter

Hello, it's been a long, long time since I last updated. Once, I thought I would get back to this as soon as possible. But I've been deluding myself, and you readers as well.

So, as of now, I will officially anounce that this story is _dead._

Well, I might come back- but don't expect much. I've never felt particularly good about this story, and now that I've re-read it again... Well, I thank you guys for being so nice to me and I'm sorry to end things like this. Truly, sorry.


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